Authentic Partnerships Empower

 What is an authentic partnership? While we form many partnerships throughout life, some are just temporary, some fall apart over time, but the most valuable ones, the essential partnerships are constructed for the long-term, based on mutual respect and personal regard. How important are authentic partnerships in your life?

I recently attended a presentation, "Bravo Zulu". Dr. Jennifer Carson shared vast information about the relationships we form and how we value each. While she originally focused on the military, examining the various branches and what partnerships might mean to each, I found that every bit of her information was vital for any and all relationships. The more we share and care, the stronger the bonds created.

Certain elements make for a empowerment, equality, and collective capacity. These include having a genuine regard for oneself as well as other members of the partnership, focusing on shared goals and processes, and constructing interconnectedness that builds energy and trust. A shared vision, a belief in one another, decision-making that reflects the wants and needs of all, and using perspectives of self and others to determine the best steps forward.

Some of the requirements to expand relationships include regular reflection and dialogue. Think about a movie you have watched where the characters are mired in confusion and mistrust. As viewers, we have often seen the multiple sides of the situation, however, the actors appear oblivious to external events. Imagine if they just talked? They might then connect and commit to a direction that could solve problems. With conversation comes the idea of a safe place: "I shared and it was accepted; now I can speak once again." Or the opposite: "That was horrendous - time to cut and run!"

When we value perspectives, ideas, and ideals, relationships grow. Diversity is respected just as commonality is enjoyed and revered. Once the communication gates are open, partners can work to keep them open, or to close them slightly or temporarily when going forward is too painfully, too close to the heart. What a difference one-on-one time makes in designing strength and extending connections.

As mentioned, relationships come in many forms: parent or guardian 1 to parent or guardian 2; parents to children; sibling to sibling; extended family to other family members. Those within this realm are often the toughest, referencing the old adage, "You can choose your friends, but your family has already been chosen." Like it or not, family is yours forever. Even moving, cutting people off, slicing the ties while adding distance, do not make individuals less related. So why not just talk? Why not try to communicate? Why not consider a relationship? Why not some authenticity?

Appreciating One's Culture As Well As Accepting That of Others

 Another key element of the Bravo Zulu presentation that I have been writing about is appreciating culture. While the initial focus of the presentation is on the various cultures of the branches of the military, as I listened I constantly thought about the multitude of cultures we each encounter every day: family, rank order in a family, an adoptive or in-law relationship family, co-worker family, church family, social organization networks... The list could extend forever.

While often we gravitate toward cultures that reflect our own truths and beliefs, this is not always possible. Take work for example. While every employee may be headed for the same goal, there are lots of ways to get there, numerous interpretations of products and events, and extensive differences in perspectives and opinions. Roughly gathered backgrounds can work as a strengthening force or as a detrimental one. The strengthening comes from listening to and respecting the ideas of others while feeling that one's own ideas are accepted as well. Listened to, modified, adjusted, and redesigned, a strong group compromises to attain optimal results.

If, however, the group is so seeped in individualism and a lack of ability to consider and evaluate other potentials, the efforts will most likely be detrimental to progress. An inability to think about and reflect on a variety of possibilities inhibits their exposure and growth. A good leader works to advance approaches that vary but have similar objectives; an inept or insecure leader guides through authoritarian practices and disdain for others input.

Our individual culture reflects our attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and values; our functioning group culture rearranges and combines, divides, multiplies, and introduces other analytical functions to create a best case scenario. Groups that stomp, moan, berate, and accept nothing but its own culture rarely achieve long-lasting success.

And so it is within family dynamics. The family who works as a team to confront and solve issues or problems is far more likely to achieve success than one that falls into the pit of negativity and disgust of others. In my Alzheimer's Support Group caregivers often fret about serious decisions they face in helping a loved one while being attacked by other family members, often those who live far away, who want to monitor from a distance, offer advice without clear understanding of a situations, or who demand changes when they are unaware of the actual circumstances. While I encourage conversation and interaction with those who care about a love one, I also work to strengthen the stance of my attendee. It is much different to care for someone 24/7 or several times a week than it is to dish out advice during or after a once-a-year fly-by visit.

The Intersting Things I Learn

 In my newly reinvented life I am finding time for special pursuits. I try to be certain that these experiences will be positive and rewarding - no one needs downers! As a result, I am finding kind, wonderful, and informative individuals everywhere. I spent time in my granddaughter's kindergarten class. Her teacher allowed me to mix right in and work with the students, something that I love. Since names are printed on their desks, I have the advantage of greeting kids personally. "Hello, Desmond [s sounded as z]," I announced. "How is your story coming along?" He looked at me in wonder and then with a bit of disdain, "It's Desmond [s with an s sound]," he uttered. "Let me tell you a bit about phonics." Kindergarten! I loved it my quick lesson. I later learned that the Desmond with a "z" had gone home sick prior to my arrival so then I better understood my mini-phonics tutorial.

I sat with my grandson during lunch (and an amazingly healthy hot lunch arrived!). A boy across from us took an instant interest in my presence, asking who I was, why I was there, what I was doing, when I'd be leaving, and when I'd be returning. I answered in rapid fire until finally he paused. "You look a lot older than my Grandma," he conveyed with a wince. I acknowledged that probably I was but I was still Dayne's grandma. He pondered this, then responded, "You know, you'd look way younger if you would color your hair. My grandma does and she looks way younger than you do." I smiled and thought about the gray strands adorning my head.

I explained that I didn't want to color my hair, that I was happy with it, and thanked him for his input. Not to be deterred he reminded me several more times how much better I would look, and so much younger, if I just got rid of that terrible gray stuff. I laughed, scratched my head in wonder, and then happily removed myself from the scene when we were finally dismissed. Unsolicited advice is quite enlightening (and I do not infer the lightening change of my hair!).I can't wait to meet this gentleman's grandma. I'll be returning to Dayne and Bryn's classrooms in a few weeks - what other insight might be shared?

Locally I took part in the first presentation of a special movie night focused on forgetfulness, brain injury, PTSD, dementia, and Alzheimer's disease. A group is seeking ways to educate our community about behaviors, attitudes, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations in an open atmosphere of learning. One of our crew members received a comment questioning why we would be showing 50 First Dates, a film focused on traumatic brain injury, when someone in attendance, a loved one, or a caregiver might be present who might have such a decline. Well, that's the point. If we discuss confusion, forgetfulness, every day/hour/minute becoming a new moment in life that disregards connections of instances that took place just beforehand, we can better support a loved one who has cognitive difficulty.

Memories Haunt

 Memories haunt

Yes, they do, especially those which leave a scar on your memory lane forever. Though I refrain from peeping through the window of the past, at times one feels so helpless. These memories flashback like a movie and take you on a detour for hours and hours.

My detour of these haunting memories is quite painful. Every time I go on this detour my mind and heart ache and I smolder in the feelings of self-pity. I no longer want to be part of this agonizing journey anymore. I want a relief, which seems so remote now.

I always wonder, how the person whose presence once illuminated your memory lane can become so vulnerable as to haunt your memories forever. There is a logical reply that when we let a person get control of our heart, we give him all the reasons to use it the way he likes; either save it or break it. Since I provided him all the means to access my heart, he got the legal right to smash it the way he desired.

Elegant, inspirational and attractive are the qualities that would strike my mind whenever I would meet him. There was a magnetic touch in his personality that would pull my heart towards its magnetic influence. In the beginning, I considered this sudden attraction as a sort of idealistic impact that one has while admiring someone. However, within a short period, it was embarked upon me that it's something deeper than the superficial feelings of considering someone your ideal or inspiration.

Then what it was? The answer was hidden in the way he reciprocated to my advances towards him. People always thought that he lived within the invisible walls of isolation with a tag of no man's property, but once he opened the doors of this no man's property for me I considered all the opinions of people null and void.

Soon I entered the phase which is considered by the poets and the romanticists as the most alluring and soothing phase of one's life; LOVE! During this phase one soars like a bird and feel the fragrance of fresh flowers around oneself. You seem to be entangled in the seven colours of a colourful rainbow. You feel the presence of your love with every beat of your heart. This consoles your heart and mind like the cool soothing wind or the cool splashing waves of the ocean.

To my astonishment, in this phase of love, your memories are so refreshing. They shelter you to take refuge from the rest of the world and remain fettered in the unseen chains of your love.

Nothing in this world remains forever. Everything is meant to decay. So how could my memories give me this pleasing relief forever? Very soon all the favourable quotes, sayings and words about love became fake. Love no longer seemed an angel consoling my heart but appeared like a ferocious monster that is ready to engulf and devour me, loosening and tightening its grip around my neck, keeping me suspended between life and death.

He walked away, leaving me to drown into the deep grey sea of melancholy, where the sharp, razor teeth memories were ready to tear me apart forever. Ever since then I am tormented by the memories of that so-called phase of love that haunts me with every passing breath.